Our friends and family have the best intentions for our success and well-being; however, they often do not know how to best support their loved one. And they end up giving a whole lot of good intentioned advice without inquiring what may be useful or meaningful to the person spending precious resources (e.g., time and energy which we have less and less of these days).
A recent good intentioned but futile advice from my sibling reminded me of how often this happens in the workplace. The Manager/Leader, often with good intentions, gives advice that may seldom be put to use by their team member(s). Being in a position of authority blinds Managers/Leaders of their own assumptions and stories a.k.a. biases they make up which come from their automatic brain (system 1) rather than deliberate brain (system 2).
To support team member(s) with what they need, not what we, as Managers/Leaders, think they need we can follow the steps below to de-bias our advice and make it inclusively meaningful for the advisee.
- Inquire – “How Well You Define a Problem Determines How Well You Solve It”
Not enough can be said about the process of inquiry. It is the quintessential step to attempt to solve for any problem, challenge, issue both at the individual or organizational level. Not knowing what we are solving for or attempting to solve for is a mistake leading to futility of resources. First, to give meaningful advice to team member(s), the Manager should inquire of herself/himself. Second, the Manager should inquire of the team member(s) and get clarity on the challenge they face.
This is where The PAUSE Model™ comes into play!
- The P in the Pause Model is to pay attention
- Pay attention to internal stimuli in one’s body through inquiry
- “How am I feeling?”
- “What am I experiencing in my body?”
- Pay attention to external stimuli through inquiry
- “What data did I observe?”
- “What data did I overlook?”
- Pay attention to internal stimuli in one’s body through inquiry
- The A in the Pause Model is to acknowledge one’s assumptions through inquiry
- “What assumptions am I making?”
- “What story am I making up?”
- The U in the Pause Model is to understand your perspective through inquiry
- “What from my past does this situation remind me of?”
- “What learned messages influence my perspective of this situation?”
- “How do my group identities influence my experience of this situation?”
- The S in the Pause Model is to seek different perspectives through inquiry
- Ask yourself
- “What else could be true?”
- “What does this situation look and feel like from different points of view?”
- Ask others/advisee/team member(s)
- “Are my assumptions valid?”
- “What could I understand differently?”
- Ask yourself
- Listen deeply – Once we ask the advisee/team member(s), we need to listen (not hear) them. We hear with our ears; however, we listen with our whole body. As such, listening is an underrated skill which is rarely taught. More importantly, listening deeply takes attention and effort. Like exercising, listening deeply is active (not passive) requiring us to concentrate, tensing up the muscles in our neck, and perhaps sweating. There are many levels of listening. The one that is most important for effective advising is listening to understand and comprehend what is being and not being said a.k.a. the music beneath the words. With time pressures, it is ever more challenging to give time to listen deeply to what team member(s) shares with Managers/Leaders. However, if our intention is to give good meaningful advice, we will make time to listen deeply!
- Choose compassion and curiosity over authority – Utilizing the Pause Model, Managers/Leaders can come from a place of compassion and curiosity rather than authority. Being in a position of authority often blinds one into believing that their assumptions (biases) are true or valid and should be readily accepted. In organizations, authority is conflated with leadership. However, the Adaptive Leadership framework suggests that leadership and authority are separate. Leadership is actively chosen while authority is given or assumed.
The E in the Pause Model stands for examine your options and make a decision. After the Manager/Leader goes through the process of inquiry and listening deeply to the challenge the team (or a member) faces, they can advice suitably. By choosing compassion and curiosity over authority, the Manager/Leader opens the space to endless possibilities to solve for the challenge and have a breakthrough.
The Pause Model is an essential tool for any Manager/Leader to de-bias their advice and give inclusively meaningful advice to their team member(s) which is readily accepted and effectively implemented.